Today Microsoft revealed with great fanfare their return to hardware development since the ever popular Zune was banished to the dark abyss of failed tech history. Microsoft “Surface” is a tablet, apparently, set to rival the iPad as a portable computing device.

The first problem I have with this form factor, immediately on seeing the photos, is that it’s –

a) Essentially a laptop, with a screen and crappier than usual keyboard.
b) It’s upside down!

Seriously, take a look at this thing :

Because the heavy part (the screen) is up top, while the flimsy thin keyboard is on the bottom, it needs this goofy kickstand.

Wait a second, if it needs a little stand and the keyboard needs a flat surface to use, you can’t even use it on your lap. Which really means it’s the world’s stupidest desktop!

I don’t even know what the specs are yet, but who cares? It’s a tablet you can’t hold … the one thing a tablet form factor is supposed to do!

Ok so I imagine most people will ignore the stupid keyboard and try to use it as a tablet at which point they’ll have to contend with Windows 8. In my humble opinion, Windows 8 is a serious devolution for the windows UI. The demos so far show unintuitive system navigation, dumbed down file system navigation, hidden corners and menus and a generally clunky experience.

I can already hear phone support technicians everywhere crying themselves to sleep and jumping from the windows of high buildings faster than a Foxconn factory assembly line worker.

I’m sure there will be more to laugh about later when some idiot gets a Microsoft Surface tattoo but I just had to laugh out loud on this one!

Way to go Microsoft. Slow clap.